"Life Is At Best Bittersweet." --Jack Kirby

It seems as if I've heard twenty plus times today, "Can you believe it's August already?"

And I can't...I can't believe it's August already, I cant believe I have four kids (I'm still in shock about the 3rd one, I think?!?) and I'm just now dealing with the fact that I actually gave birth to a preemie baby...everything has been swarming around me, through my head, and by the time I contemplate one of these "lemons" I've been handed and am able to file it away in the DONE file, another seems to fall from the sky and hit me on the head.

We received a phone call this morning saying that the doctor has ordered Jackson to bottle feed twice a day! This is really a huge step. Marc and I went this afternoon and video taped his first feeding. The nurses do the first one, and then after that we are allowed. He is technically at 31 weeks gestation, and the sucking instinct usually does not occur until about weeks 34. He did so wonderful...they want the babies to drink their bottle within 30 minutes, because after this amount of time, the babies burn more calories from eating that they take in. The nurse told us that drinking one bottle, for Jackson, is the equivalent to an adult running a marathon as for the amount of energy it takes. He drank his in a little under 30, and burped well, and didn't drop his heart rate or oxygen saturation at all, which is really truly surprising...he did so so well.

He kinda looked like a monkey at the zoo being fed, because he is so little and the nipple they put on the bottle of breast milk was red!! Ha ha.

Jackson also had a blood transfusion today. This sounds so bad...but it's his 3rd one, and it's because the doctors have removed so much while doing testing, and preemies have a hard time regenerating blood. He received 30cc's, and was very pink after.

If things keep going this well, he may be home very very soon. 3 weeks maybe.

Riding down the elevator, my friend, the mom with the sick little girl baby that I have mentioned before got on. The girl is not doing well...She's not going to make it. It's was hard to know what to say when she asked me how Jackson was, so I just replied "You know how it is, up and down.." ...as she eyes Jackson's first bottle that's been decorated by the nurses that I'm keeping for him....UGH! Such a weird feeling! And even more so because they have a boy Colby's age that wants to take his sister home and share his blanket with her...so sad. The irony present in my life since I have been pregnant with Jackson has just been overwhelming...today on all days, one of the biggest steps for Jackson, and the sweet, little girl in room 7, that has been a staple since this whole chapter unfolded, wont be ever taking a bottle.

The mom and I spoke for quite awhile. She knows that everything happens for a reason...and she knew that her baby, diagnosed with dwarfism at her 4 month ultra sound check up, would have a purpose and a reason, which is why she chose not to have the abortion that everyone suggested she have. And even tonight when we spoke, she said she would go through it all again if she had the choice...it was really sweet, because she was saying this at a time when it would not have been an easy thing to say. It's one thing to say you'd do something again when a couple of years have past by... It's another to say it when it's crushing you. She's seriously my new hero. Even more so because she told me when she gets angry about everything, she kicks cars in the hospital parking lot. :)

So, the next time you see someone kicking cars in a parking lot...instead of getting mad, pray for them. They may be losing their child....Please say a prayer for Madison.

"Come away, O human child:
To the waters and the wild with a fairy, hand in hand,
For the world's more full of weeping
Than you can understand."

--William Butler Yeats